Tuesday, April 15, 2008

No Blog Left Behind ~ Seventeen Reasons To Stop Blogging

ImageChef.com - Custom comment codes for MySpace, Hi5, Friendster and more 1. Have you heard?
 Blogger has just phased in a new disaster feature. It's called Building a Community of Blove (isn't that cute?)..From now on, your posts will automatically be translated into some thirty-five languages beginning with Yiddish, Turkish, Arabic, Hindu & Pig Latin. "Heal The World" through language barrier blocking is similar to phone number blocking. Press a code and voila! Instead of ignoring those who call you or in this case, those who read your blog, you'll be cyber-forced to send an interpreter wrapped in a turban with every post. "Heal The World Through HTML" (healing through multi-linguistics) is courtesy of No Blog Left Behind.

The sanction is currently being reviewed by Human Rights activists..

2. The "Create Post" window is now video-active. This means no more writing in yellow-curlers for me.

3. Blogging in the nude is no longer allowed. Thanks goodness yellow curlers is as risque as I get.

4. Politics have been banned. This should take care of 99% of the sarcastic and humorous blog posts in the blogosphere.

Unfortunately, the new rules don't apply until November 8th.

5. Memes, Queens, and Self-Proclaimed mini-Queens are no longer being filtered thru blogrolls and link lists. But that's just me.

6. Comments costs $10.00. Nice ones are free to post. Nasty ones are free to go.

7. Blogs with social causes, serious venues, charity buttons or awareness campaigns for the good of the order have been replaced by the newly popular nudity trends. "Strip 3/4 Naked Saturday" begins next week. But not on this blog.



8. Code verification will now require your social security number and/or the presentation of a known tattoo. But we may need proof that you own the body part it is attached to. Submit all limbs and private parts via the webcam in your compose box.


9. You are no longer allowed to be Wordless on Wednesday, Thirteen on Thursday, Saturday Photoshopped or Manicked on Monday. Just dial your therapist like you used to do, before you started blogging in the first place.

10. The "About Me" section on all blogs is secretly undergoing Criminal Background Checks for all bloggers. I'd quickly pay those parking tickets if I were you.

11. ImageChef.com - Custom comment codes for MySpace, Hi5, Friendster and more You Tube can no longer tolerate blog abuse. This eliminates the other 99% of the blog posts (I was never good at math) and seriously hampers Trav's Thoughts Dancing With the Stars.
What will he do???!


12. Embedding is now considered taboo and according to Wikipedia (the all-knowing-all-seeing god of the cyberworld) it closely resembles incestuous activities, which, of course are being monitored by the built-in webcam staring at me you now in the "Compose Message Box" . Embedding is also Pat Conroy's new book title.

13. All pet blogs must have their shots. Even cyber-pets. Leashes are optional. No exceptions. ImageChef.com - Custom comment codes for MySpace, Hi5, Friendster and more

14. For human blogs: all awards must be sent back to their original creator with a 500-word Acceptance Speech before posting them and must be translated into Yiddish, Turkish, Arabic, Hindu and Pig-Latin.


15. And good news! ImageChef.com - Custom comment codes for MySpace, Hi5, Friendster and moremeetings are now part of the Blue Cross/Blue Shield benefits package. Pre-existing conditions do not apply.
17. And finally........
Sidebar linking has been replaced by online dating.

Film at 11.

(P.S. I'm free Saturday night. Right after I curl my hair.)

31 comments:

Turnbaby said...

Not quite sure what to make of this sugar.

Mimi Lenox said...

Turn - Just being silly.

Daisy said...

Well, if I have to get my Rooster shots before I blog, I might give up blogging. I hate shots! They pinch.

What, Mommie? Oh. She says I am Up to Date on my shots. Never mind.

Charles Gramlich said...

I don't think my response is very brilliant, but LOL>

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Bwahahahahahaha. So what's the problem Mimi? This sounds about right to me. Thanks for the laughs. You crack me up. Have a great day. Big hug, and I ♥ Mimi. :)

bundle-o-contradictions said...

Oh, dear. As if learning all of the ins & outs of Blogger wasn't hard enough to begin with. More rules? I hate rules! Just ask my evil twin, George.

Bond said...

Is there any rule about translating posts into pig-latin and then sending them by google-reader to every living soul with a computer, while sitting in the nude tossing yellow-curlers into the fireplace?

Linda said...

Ever notice that when someone finds something fun (like blogging is most of the time) that there's always someone in the wings waiting to mess it up?!?! May this meme never come true and forever remain a spoof because if it does, I'm hanging up my keyboard forever!

Mimi Lenox said...

Daisy - Thank goodness for Mom and her good common sense.

Charles - OK.....thanks for checking in.

Sandee - Glad you enjoyed the laughs. I try.

Autumn - You have an evil twin, George? I never knew. Sanni has an evil twin too. Are you two related?

Bond - No rules. No yellow curlers. Fireplace? That's probably where they belong. But it does make my hair so bouncy.....it's a girl thing.

Linda - 'Tis so true. I hope I haven't given Blogger any ideas.

Hahn at Home said...

Don't know why, but #9 cracked me up Mimi.

Mimi Lenox said...

Lori - Thanks! It's so true that blogging is therapy...isn't it?

Akelamalu said...

All this sounds like something Gordon Brown would come up with - the plonker!

Lois Grebowski said...

bwahahahahahaahahahaha! I can just see this!

:-D)

Travis said...

LMOO!

Well, if they don't let me support my Dancing recaps with video, then I'll just have to blog about sports all day everyday!

That's it! 24x7x365 sports!

Bwahahahahahahahahaaaaa

Mimi Lenox said...

Akelamalu -Plonker?

Lois - Big Brother comes to Blogger. Oh the thought.

Mimi Lenox said...

Travis - I give! Sports 24/7/365? I give!!

Vijay said...

This is great. I had a good laugh.
PS. Hindu is a religion. The language is Hindi.

Julie said...

NONONONONOO @ Trav.

**stomps foot--the right one**

NO MORE SPORTS!!!!

Fun post Ms. Mimi!

Jeff B said...

Am I still allowed to use "Bwahahaha" and "LMAO"

I'll be mailing my $10.00 to blogger right after I hit Publish Your Comment

Mimi Lenox said...

vijay - Thanks for the correction and thanks for visiting.

Julie - I'll stomp the left, you stomp the right and we'll sing the Hokey Pokey.

Jeff - I forgot to address those rules so I guess it's ok. Anytime someone finds me funny, it's ok!
You were supposed to mail the $10.00 to ME.
Mimi Queen of Memes
Bloggingham Palace
Bloggingham, USA

Carver said...

Too funny. I never read the blog announcements they show when you go to create a post. Looks like I've missed a lot.

kathleenmaher said...

This scared me, Mimi. Want to bet you're not far off?

Misty Dawn said...

No more blogging in the nude? damn.

Roger said...

Can I have some of what your taking Mimi?

Speedcat Hollydale said...

I am definately going to the bloggers meeting group. Wanna go on Saturday?
Love #14 ha haaa! I will be busy if I ever get any awards. I plan on producing more of the same usless chicken material so that does not happen.

Mimi Lenox said...

Carver - In living color! It's a sight....I mean a site...I mean a sight...oh...YOU know what I mean.

Kathleen - No, I do not want to bet. You are probably right.

Misty - I know! I'll have to cover up with my fuzzy pink ugly thing (and the yellow curlers...) so that no one could recognize the royal mess that I can be.

Roger - LOL
I refuse to share.

Eric - Your chicken material is not useless. It is serving a valuable purpose in this world. I'm not sure what that is just yet but I'm sure it's valuable.
And I'd love to go on Saturday! Meet me on the blog at 8.

Sanni said...

*LOL* A video-active "create post" window???? Does this work for posting comments, too? Oh my... I´m wearing a chocolate face mask right now.

Anndi said...

YOU!!!

It was YOU!!!

YOU stole my funny bone!!!

Patti said...

I was a bit confuzzled by this, Your Majesty. I do agree blogging is the cheapest form of therapy..even cheaper than chocolate.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

hi mimi! i am home. i had my shots i think so thanks for the laugh!

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

katherine. said...

could be true someday...the first one is free...and once we can't live without the blogworld...

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