I've been glumped.
That's blogspeak for Google + Dumped. Who would do this to a Queen? What have I ever done to Mr. Google?
"My, what big links you have" said I, to the muscle-bound algorithm sitting on my laptop.
I stared at the gym rat before me. Smooth, dark, handsomely smooth. I said that, didn't I. Neatly cropped hair, a beam of graphic-induced euphoric light behind his well-placed head of smooth - I said that didn't I - masculinity. A technical splendor of tethered testosterone.
The link love king: Google.
Now tell me, have you ever seen rings like that?
Last night on The Mo Show and later in my own Castle Chat here, we discussed the subject of page rank and Google policies. With co-host Jannaverse and a cast of blog characters near and far, we attempted to solve the mystery of how-to-receive-and-maintain-a-respectable-website-ranking. We failed.
We learned that nothing is sacred in the wide world of webbing and that this insipid cloak and dagger theme might very well choke the life out of our blogs. Although, as several point out, "Don't let it get to YOU and change your reason for blogging in the first place." Sage advice; but the main consensus boiled down to ambiguity. Just tell us, please, what you are doing, why you are doing it, and what we can do to increase traffic on our blogs without breaking any googly blog rules. That's all. It was also abundantly clear that none of it makes ANY sense whatsoever, there is no rhyme or reason to the algorithm-y thingy. It is a tad, might I say, syncopated? And categorically bipolar.
Case in point: Linda of Are We There Yet? plummeted from a Page Rank of four to zero in one week - with no explanation. My own page rank reports a five in one place, a four in another, and zero (gasp!) in yet another.
The site shows an entire page of icons and codes for me to copy displaying a ranking of five. It reads...."Display a free PageRank image on your website or blog using the code below. Find a PageRank image you like, and copy the code to your website or blog. Now your Google PR rating is displayed on every page with this code!
It's done if you would like to see our PageRank Checker icon that displays the current pagerank of the pages on your website or blog, please copy one of the HTML codes below and paste it on your page where you want the PageRank icon to appear. Note: It may be different the PageRank result in the different page because it is based on pages not domain names."
So, before they changed their fickle minds I copied the code.
And it came out like this.
Note: Between the time I posted this last night and the time I got home this afternoon the zero had magically changed to a four. Men are so fickle.
Not only that, I'm a verified zero (or at least I was last night!) I didn't have to pass the SAT or even pass GO and collect $200. I'm in! I'm strutting with the big guys.
I'm a big fat zero.
But never fear. Hope springs eternal. Pencil Skirt had a few words with Mr. Google. Smooch. Applying lipstick.....But first, I did my blomework (that's Blog + homework to you, Mr. Page Rank Pilferer) - although, I must say, you do look rather dashing in a Ronald Reagan/Rhett Butler kinda way.
Measure its "relative importance?" Are you KIDDING me? This was peace globes headquarters for a month. We had more link love than match.com on this sizzling little blog. And yet, I find myself flung to the pile of irrelevancy. Google-bumped to the back of the line. Stalled in traffic. But look on the bright side.
With all these encouraging zeroish to fourish colors to choose from, I've decided to get a tattoo for the occasion. Maybe something green and blue...
And listen Buster, I don't google on the first data.