Wednesday, November 28, 2007

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

I've been glumped.
That's blogspeak for Google + Dumped. Who would do this to a Queen? What have I ever done to Mr. Google?

"My, what big links you have" said I, to the muscle-bound algorithm sitting on my laptop.
I stared at the gym rat before me. Smooth, dark, handsomely smooth. I said that, didn't I. Neatly cropped hair, a beam of graphic-induced euphoric light behind his well-placed head of smooth - I said that didn't I - masculinity. A technical splendor of tethered testosterone.

The link love king: Google.

Now tell me, have you ever seen rings like that?

Last night on The Mo Show and later in my own Castle Chat here, we discussed the subject of page rank and Google policies. With co-host Jannaverse and a cast of blog characters near and far, we attempted to solve the mystery of how-to-receive-and-maintain-a-respectable-website-ranking. We failed.

We learned that nothing is sacred in the wide world of webbing and that this insipid cloak and dagger theme might very well choke the life out of our blogs. Although, as several point out, "Don't let it get to YOU and change your reason for blogging in the first place." Sage advice; but the main consensus boiled down to ambiguity. Just tell us, please, what you are doing, why you are doing it, and what we can do to increase traffic on our blogs without breaking any googly blog rules. That's all. It was also abundantly clear that none of it makes ANY sense whatsoever, there is no rhyme or reason to the algorithm-y thingy. It is a tad, might I say, syncopated? And categorically bipolar.
Case in point: Linda of Are We There Yet? plummeted from a Page Rank of four to zero in one week - with no explanation. My own page rank reports a five in one place, a four in another, and zero (gasp!) in yet another.

The site shows an entire page of icons and codes for me to copy displaying a ranking of five. It reads...."Display a free PageRank image on your website or blog using the code below. Find a PageRank image you like, and copy the code to your website or blog. Now your Google PR rating is displayed on every page with this code!
It's done if you would like to see our PageRank Checker icon that displays the current pagerank of the pages on your website or blog, please copy one of the HTML codes below and paste it on your page where you want the PageRank icon to appear. Note: It may be different the PageRank result in the different page because it is based on pages not domain names."

So, before they changed their fickle minds I copied the code.

And it came out like this.

I feel so loved.

This is not boding well with my current midlife numerical crisis.

Note: Between the time I posted this last night and the time I got home this afternoon the zero had magically changed to a four. Men are so fickle.



Not only that, I'm a verified zero (or at least I was last night!) I didn't have to pass the SAT or even pass GO and collect $200. I'm in! I'm strutting with the big guys.
I'm a big fat zero.
But never fear. Hope springs eternal. Pencil Skirt had a few words with Mr. Google. Smooch. Applying lipstick.....But first, I did my blomework (that's Blog + homework to you, Mr. Page Rank Pilferer) - although, I must say, you do look rather dashing in a Ronald Reagan/Rhett Butler kinda way.

Can I go for a ride in your Googlemobile?

Hmmm.....maybe my flirting had something to do with the rank change after all! A Pencil Skirt can only hope.
According to Wikipedia "PageRank is a link analysis algorithm that assigns a numerical weighting to each element of a hyperlinked set of documents, such as the World Wide Web, with the purpose of "measuring" its relative importance within the set."

Measure its "relative importance?" Are you KIDDING me? This was
peace globes headquarters for a month. We had more link love than on this sizzling little blog. And yet, I find myself flung to the pile of irrelevancy. Google-bumped to the back of the line. Stalled in traffic. But look on the bright side.PageRankPageRankPageRankPageRankPageRankPageRank
With all these encouraging zeroish to fourish colors to choose from, I've decided to get a tattoo for the occasion. Maybe something green and blue...

or it's over!
And listen Buster, I don't google on the first data.


Jay said...

Yeah, I have no idea what that stuff even is.
But I do know I'm supposed to wish you a happy birthday, so there it is.

Matt-Man said...

Happy Birthday Mimi!! A tip of a fifth of Wild Irish Rose to you. Cheers!!

Bond said...








oh and


Roger said...

Happy Birthday to you Mimi :D

Travis said...

Happy Birthday!!!

**tosses confetti, streamers, flaming walnuts, and assorted colored page rank buttons that all say Visit Bloggingham Palace**


Odat said...

I don't care about your rank....but I do care that it's your BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Lois Grebowski said...

Mimi it's your birthday! WOO HOO! Eat Cake and celebrate your birthday!!!!!

Here's to many, many more!

P.S. You're not a zero in my book....Pox on Google page rank!

Jeff B said...

Rank-Smank, I say lock Google in the dungeon until they get it straight. Could be there a while I suppose.

You're a 5+


Dixie said...

I have never had that page rank thingy on my blog so I have no clue.

One thing that I do have a clue about is that I'm suppose to sing you a song...

*clears throat*



katherine. said...

all birthday wishes aside this post was hysterical and spot on!

I am sure we are gonna hear more in the weeks to come....

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Mimi
Happy Birthday to you.

Hope you're having a great day. :)

Jean-Luc Picard said...

It doesn't make sense to me, Nina.

Have a wonderful Happy Birthday!

Akelamalu said...



Jamie said...

Another one of your grateful subjects dares to approach the throne with deep felicitations and bounteous good wishes for the blessing of your natal day. May trumpets blare forth and cymbals crash so that all may be aware of your ascendency to another glorious annum.

Long May You Reign.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

mimi darling! happy birthday! and your blog shows as a pr 4 on my toolbar with an alexa score of 335,488

no worries dear...

smiles, bee

Lee said...

You were glumped on your birthday? Almost sounds obscene, and we can't have that on the Queen's birthday!

Have a great day anyway, Mimi, filled with only things that make you smile.

Mimi Lenox said...

Thanks everyone! I'm so touched. Wow. How special is this? I'm so thankful for my blogging buddies. A big smooch to all of you.

Jay - Thanks for stopping by and wishing me a happy birthday. I will visit your blog!

Matt - I'll take some of that wild rose, yes! Much obliged.

Bond - Your post and your poem were very special, my friend. How sweet!

Roger - Thank you! Can I have a drink of water, please? I just had some cake from Katherine's and Linda's and Trav's and Bond's place. Yummy!

Travis - Love those flaming walnuts! Confetti is always nice. Your post today made me smile.

Odat and Lois - Thank you for your friendship and caring.

Jeff - Yes, I believe they are dungeon worthy. Thank you very much.

Dixie - That was lovely. I heard it all the way to Bloggingham Palace. The birds are singing it too.

Katherine - I'm glad you enjoyed my google man spoof. But he is kinda cute. Don't ya think?

Sandee - I heard it clearly and it was just beautiful.

Jean-Luc - Most of the internet doesn't make sense to me either. But I shall continue to write and not worry about it. With friends like these, I really don't care about a number. Did I SAY that??! Yes, and I meant it.

Akelamalu - LOL. I'm sorry you missed the chat last night. How is your dad? Thanks for the well wishes, my friend.

Jamie - You're cracking me up here. Thanks!

Bee - I'm not worried. Much.

Lee - Thanks Lee. Yes, glumped on my birthday. It wasn't as much fun as it sounded. lol
What a lovely comment you left. I'm so glad to have found your blog!

Misty Dawn said...

I wanted to come over here and first say - I have truly felt the pain from the hands of Google.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I hope you have the greatest day evah!!! You are the bestest and you deserve a birthday that is filled with the mostest of the bestest :-)

Linda said...

What Jamie said!

Hope you liked your castle cake, your majesty!

A happy, happy birthday from not just one of your loyal subjects but a fan, too!

Jeni said...

LInda told a secret - that it's someone's birthday - a Queen, maybe? At Blogginham Palace? That'd be you then wouldn't it?
Have a Happy, Happy Big old Birthday!

Crazy Working Mom said...

Linda said today was your birthday! :)

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Queen Mimi
Happy Birthday to you!!!!

♥ to you my blogging friend.

Deana said...

Happy Birthday Mimi and shame on Mr. Google for treating you so badly!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Thanks. Mimi; I learned quite a bit from this post. And, I enjoyed the smiles you gave me.

I'll add my "Happy B'day" to the others. OK?

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