Thursday, March 15, 2007

Ten Ways to Kill a Mouse: The saga continues

As many of you know, I have a mouse in my car.
It is still there.
I am still hysterical.

In fact, the thing has apparently taken up permanent residence in my front seat. I filled out a New Address form at the post office today and applied for a Green Card.
Not for me. For the mouse.

He can have the Toyota, the leftover cookie crumb, all the loose change in the dash drawer and the extra set of keys to my house under the seat. I won't need any of that and really don't give a rat's ......... An actual "nest" was found late today in the trunk of La Luxury Corolla (Suite 119 rear of the building) as well as chew toys and nature trails. Apparently this mouse is brilliant. He took the nice little green poison pellets I left for him and played hide-n-seek with them; stashing them in the door handle. 

"OK, friends! I've hidden the danger now little mouse neighbors, come on in and play in Mimi's playhouse."

I'm just trying to do my part for education, folks. No Mouse Left Behind and all that.

While I was at the post office I applied for a Visa out of the country. Anywhere will do. I haven't figured out yet how I'm going to get to the airport since there are no vacancies in my car, but I will definitely be flying.
Mice can't crawl into planes. Can they?

By the way, if anybody can tell me HOW to get rid of this thing YOU WILL WIN A PRIZE. Actually, there is no prize but I would be most grateful.

Ten Ways To Kill a Mouse
Ten dastardly deeds in my overactive maniacal imagination fueled by nightmares and lack of sleep this week. Everybody knows Queen Mims couldn't really do these things. 
She'd never get close enough.
But if I could.........

1. A sledgehammer. Splat.
2. Hang him from the George Washington Bridge.

3. Cement his four feet to a slab of cheese wrapped in chains, pack a picnic basket and take him for a lovely swim. Then hang him from the George Washington Bridge.
I have Mafia connections you know.

4. Make a mouseshake in the blender. Bwwaaahhaaahaaahaaa!

5. Turn up the speaker volume and pipe in this season's American Idol.

6. Replace his favorite cookie with my cooking.

7. A firing squad.

And no blindfold mister!

Take him to see CATS!
and then let him loose in The Cat Blogosphere.

Again I say.......Bwwaaaahhaaahaaahhhaa

9. Give him ten minutes alone with my evil vacuum cleaner.
10. Now starring in his own feature role! Mouse Meets Milani... .
I'd hate to ruin a good pair of boots ......

Rest in pieces, Mickey.


SGT DUB said...

Poor Mimi, poor....poor Mimi. I wish I wasn't 5000 miles away, I'd try to help. I know Bud is a lot closer and would be more than willing to help too. Good luck.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

hi mimi, i have an idea honey. leave the car door open a little so he can get out and turn up the music real loud. sprinkle cheese bits on the ground outside the car door. and put a note on the steering wheel saying "cheese outside". now granted i am heavily medicated at the moment, but right now it seems like a pretty good idea. ha ha ha ha ha... i cracked myself up.....

smiles, bee

Dr. Shelly Howard said...

Dear Ms, Lenox:

I find your attitude both insensitive and appalling. A mouse shares over 90% of human's DNA. If it were not for the mouse we would have not cured many diseases including: small pox, insomnia, prostate cancer and diarrhea.

Some of our most famous people love mice. Walt Disney comes to mind. If you and your fancy pencil-skirt ever come anywhere near Nebraska, I will kick your butt. People like you make me puke. Simply buy a NEW CAR and move on.

Dr. Shelly Howard
Mice Rehabilitation Specialist
University of Nebraska
Author: Mice Are People, Too.

P.S. Stick your peace globe.

exskindiver said...

fly paper (that sticky paper that catches flies) ALWAYS does the trick.
the only problem is the mouse does not die right away (and I don't mean this in a PETA way) so having to handle the sticky paper with the wriggling and squeaking mouse gets a tad freaky.

Epiphany Alone said...

Dr Howard: Are you a proctologist? You seem to have some craniorectal issues...

Love, Epiphany Alone

TopChamp said...

hi mimi - got your message about the peace globes. I'll pop back as soon as I'm online properly (about a week I think) to find out more. TC x

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