Saturday, March 17, 2007

His Tail Is Mine! Ding Dong The Wicked Mouse is Dead

Thanks to the brave men who volunteered to help me but we really know were just sick and tired of hearing me scream, and set six traps to kill one very smart mouse. here to catch up on this tail (ha!)... 

I'd also like to thank my now my ex-boyfriend who phoned periodically to make sure I was semi-calm and offered support in my time of need. Not much else he could do from 700 miles away.
My hero.

Thanks to blogger buddy SGT DUB
who offered to drive 5000 miles from Afghanistan and squish the silly thing with his army tank (not really, but it was the thought that counted) That's SGT on the right. Now if the Army would just let him out every once in awhile...

Thanks to bloggers near and far who gave me mouse-murder advice. Some of it worked. Some of it didn't. All of it was appreciated. Now if I could just find the nerve to get back in my car. Any good therapist out there?

(And don't give me that "you must face your fear to overcome your phobia" jargon. Already tried that. I faced it.

And I ran.

And last but not least, thanks to one Dr. Shelly Howard from Nebraska, new reader. Apparently one of those tree-hugging people, Dr Howard not only insulted the integrity of my pencil skirt but defamed my precious peace globes. He wrote: 

Dear Ms. Lenox,
I find your attitude both insensitive and appalling. A mouse shares over 90% of human DNA. If it were not for the mouse we would have not cured many diseases including: smallpox, insomnia, prostate cancer an diarrhea. 

Some of our most famous people love mice. Walt Disney comes to mind. If you and your fancy pencil skirt ever come anywhere near Nebraska, I will kick your butt. People like you make me puke.  Simply buy a NEW  CAR and move on.   

Dr. Shelly Howard
 Mice Rehabilitation Specialist 
University of Nebraska
 Author: Mice Are People, Too 
 P.S. Stick your peace globe.

Dear Dr. Howard,

I don't know what the life expectancy is for mealy-mouthed mean people in Nebraska but according to Wikipedia
"the developed world is quickly getting older" - and there ain't a day's difference in intellect between you and the pea-sized brain found in my under-developed and overly nourished furry friend. The only thing remotely resembling mouse DNA in humans is the ability to run fast when faced with said-same DNA. Didn't you learn that in them Nebraska schools?

But you are correct on one account. If it weren't for the lowly mouse (excluding Minnie because she wears a pencil skirt)........we would not have cured many diseases such as RATPHOBIA. Your research stinks, so does your highfalutin
book and so does my car. However, I sent the sainted creature to you Express Mail this morning - still attached to the trap and wearing a smile. Have at it.

And listen buster. You wouldn't know a pencil skirt if it bit your dusty DNA. Long live the Peace Globes.

Mimi Pencil Skirt
Lover of Peace and Killer of Rodents

SGT Dub? Is that tank still available? Maybe you can find a shorter route to Nebraska.


Dr. Shelly Howard said...

Dear Ms. Lenox:

You are comparing Wikipedia to an actual source? You have been out of school too long, Missy. You and your type should be ripatzoed. Seriously ripatzoed. I hope you have nothing to do with children (or God the Father forbid, teaching!) or mice.

Your lack of respect for a rodent and its DNA is repugnant. Have you no shame, woman? A pet mouse is better than a pet dog. It can fetch the paper better, it won’t poop on your chair (unless the little bugger is ill, mind you) and leashes are WAY less expensive because of the size differential.

My book, you jealous wench, is about to be made into a movie. Ron Howard is directing “Mice Are People, Too” and Tom Hanks and Ginger Allen have signed onto the project. Hanks is BIG on mice and Ginger does what Ginger does.

I did receive your box of dead mouse and trap. I have stuffed and framed the mouse now formerly known as “Prince” and destroyed the trap so it can kill no more. Spin on you Peace Globe and ponder all of this!

Other than this little misunderstanding, I hope you have a good holiday. Mice are Irish, too!

Dr. Shelly Howard
Mice Rehabilitation Specialist
University of Nebraska
Author: Mice Are People, Too.

Bond said...


Sorry I have not been around and have missed this situation.

Please do not be soon as I saw this I dispatched Bruno and Guido to come take care of your situation.

They have taken care of contracts on rats before, so a mouse should not be a problem.

Your only concern should be that they do expect to be fed once the contract has been completed.

A big pot of tomato gravy with meatballs and sausage should do the trick.

SGT DUB said...

Mimi, went out to the tank this morning, darn it! I left the dome light on again. We are looking for the jumper cables now, hopefully should have it running this afternoon. I know you problem with professors, it seems the person in question that I wrote about is also a professor, funny how they seem to thnk they know more than us common folks, but to think they would know more than a pencil-skirt with royal blood, that is a bit too much.

Odat said...

LOL..omg..I'm sorry to say I don't visit you that often...but now I find you in the middle of a mouse fight....sorry for laughing...but it's all so funny....

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

hey mimi, you can to to charlie's and nominate to good dr. for his yellow bellied sapsucker of the week award. maybe the good dr. likes birdies too! ha ha ha

smiles, bee

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