Sunday, March 10, 2013

Monday Mimisms ~ The Terrifying Tale Of The Tetanus Shot

 On any given day in my line of work I will find myself at some point reciting my favorite mantra; I did not go to college for this I did not go to college for this I did not go to college for this. What I went to college for has nothing to do with the mess I have to deal with. Does that ever happen to you?

I could hear the same sentence in my doctor's head recently.  
This is an actual conversation with my doctor.  Listen in. I will close my robe.
"Good afternoon, Miss Pencil Skirt.  You are here today for your annual physical and my records indicate that you are overdue for a tetanus shot."

"You didn't have one when you wrecked your car, you didn't have one when you broke your arm, and you did not have one when you had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever last year. You need a tetanus shot. Today."

I don't think so.
I don't need one.
Why not?
I think...I must have...surely I...sometime somewhere I must have. Will you look again? Are you sure?
Mimi, you have not had a tetanus shot in well over ten years.
How do you know?
It is not in my records. After you get one today you'll be good for ten years.

**imagine look of doom and heart palpitations**

I'll send the nurse in shortly to give you your shot.
I don't think so.
I hate shots. You know I hate shots.
It's nothing to worry about. It's only a needle thaaat long," (demonstrating with his fingers).
"Uh huh. Exactly my point.
Doctor laughing    
I still don't want one.
I don't think I need one, that's all.
What is the real reason you don't want a tetanus shot?

It will hurt.

It doesn't hurt.
All shots hurt.
It doesn't hurt.
Are you kidding me?
I'm chicken.
I'm hurt enough! I don't want anymore pain in my arm. I think I'll pass.
Tetanus is a serious illness that could strike at anytime with an injury.
I'm not going to get hurt.
Oh no?
No. Not me.
What if you fall down?
I won't fall! I don't fall. That was just a fluke. I'll be more careful.
Ohhhhh. You don't fall. (smirk) What about cuts and accidents? The work you're in......
I don't get cuts and I'm not going to have an accident. I promise I won't.

**I think I hear.. I didn't go to medical school for this I didn't go to medical school for this I didn't go to medical school for this**
I could get a phone call from the emergency room at any given time because YOU will fall. YOU have accidents.
I don't have accidents.
 You've already broke yourself 3x in the last two years!"
I know wasn't MY fault, it was an accident!

Let's just wait and see if I have another accident and then I'll let you give me the shot in the emergency room if I do. Deal?
AFTER you cut yourself it's too late. You need it now. I'll be back in a minute.
I don't knoooowww.
You need the shot.
But it will hurt.
It won't hurt!
Does the medicine sting when it goes in?
No, it doesn't.
Are you telling me the truth?

Okay. Give me the shot. But it better not hurt.

I hate him!!
Nurse Lovely Friend comes in rolling her eyes and rolling up my sleeve at the same time. "You beat anything, Mimi, I've ever seen. This is NOT going to hurt." (I did not go to nursing school for this I did not go to nursing school for this I did not go to nursing school for this.)

"I hate YOU! The last thing I want is more paiiinnnnnnnnnnn....don't tell me...I don't want to see...wait til I close my eyes...I don't want to knowowwwwwww...owwwww!!" 

"I TOLD you it wouldn't hurt."



Syringe photo public domain credit William Rafti
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The Gal Herself said...

Oh, Mimi, you do beat all! You've been through CHILDBIRTH! And this is just a little tetanus shot. And I just had a little ol' tetanus shot myself on 2/12. Hopefully this shot will usher in a new decade of health for you that includes no more trips to the doctor.

Amazing Gracie said...

I have found myself in the blogger blues. Any thing of interest I may have just horribly jumbles before it ever makes it to paper; so, I've been woefully unaware of your many health issues, other than the car accident. Although I've never had problems with shots, I kind of understand how you must've felt.
So sorry you had to go thru so much "stuff."

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