Monday, March 5, 2012

Monday Mimisms ~ Crazy People Never Cry

That's my working theory.

So let's just wipe that smile right off our faces, shall we?
It's time to look in the mirror.

For a woman who started this blog on the premise and promise that she would remain transparent, open, vulnerable and more vulnerable...I'd say that last part proved to be a bit much for my delicate southern constitution.

But wait.
There's more.


Perhaps that was part of the master plan of the bloggiverse. After all, it's easy to be transparent when things are going well and your soul is intact. Nobody wanted to peer beneath my pencil skirt when the fractured pieces didn't fit. Did they?



Of course they did. Silly me. 
People live to see you fall apart. Even more so than when all the seams lined up and there were no jagged edges to unravel. Some people hate it when you don't cry on cue. It's so annoying! And oh so disappointing when they want to see a train wreck and get a party invitation instead. Frayed hemlines on a woman-in-the-making are never attractive, at least that's what I hear when I read nice tidy stories in those Chicken Soup books. All the loose ends predictably come together even after the fainting couch and melodrama doctor have saved the dreary day. It might have been good for the soul but it was bad bad bad for my form. And I'm always in the middle of some monumental morphing evolution. I need a good form.
And I've had my moments. It's just that...that...well..they're my moments and not to be trifled with. Or stomped on. 
Or God forbid anticipated.

So if you don't mind, I'm gonna fall down wailing on my curvy paisley settee and have myself a good ole' cry. I'll be blasted if I'm gonna run off half mad today.   I just don't have the time for it.
 
Because you see, one little strand of that hemline has remained ever so true.
The more I tried to suppress whatever emotion I needed to post on this palette at the time, the clearer it became that crying on cue was not going to happen. Tough cookies for waiting sharks. And thank you, O Waiting Ambulance Chasers, for the waiting epiphany that had been.... well.....waiting ...for me. I thank each and every gleeful manipulating nemesis for this revelation:
I tried to look at the writer in the mirror. I couldn't stand the sight of her. The woman on the page and the woman in the mirror were strangers. 
 
It might just be the most beautiful reflection I've ever put to paper.
 
 No matter how insidious or benign the threat, censorship is the enemy of art and the weapon of bullies. It only made me want to open up the box marked vulnerable even more. 
 Walking on eggshells is not good for one's form. You know what I mean. You've been there. Stepping out with my hem dragging the floor might sometimes satisfy those waiting to pounce, it might even bring a perverse sort of pleasure, but thank God my unconventional and dangerous lack of armor is laid thick with the scars of  vulnerability - because it is my greatest strength. 
 
So. I'm dusting off the mirror.
 
   If you want to strike a chord in this world, if you want to really connect with people, do this: Wallow real good down and dirty until your boots are soiled and your skirt is unraveled. Pick yourself up and fall down again. Your heart will continue to beat as you wave at passing ho-hum brickhead opposition with an on-cue crazy smile on  your face. Keep doing what you do. You will notice that you might still be standing in a pile of dung, but standing you are.
 You have to have the courage to embrace the muck and fall face down in it. 
 
Without it, you have no integrity at all.  

But back to the crazy people. And why they never cry. They're brittle as empty bricks. And hard as nails. When you drop them on their heads nothing falls out.  Not even a beautiful battle worthy tear.
Crazy people never cry. 

If you're gonna be a writer worth your salt, worthy of your words or even worth a damn, commit to bringing your best self and your worst self to the page. Your highest glories and your most miserable moments. And for God's sakes, cry. You'd better get used to the fact that once in a while no one in the world is going to buy into a thing you say. 
It really only matters if you get it. 
 
As for that delicate southern constitution. Oh please.




21 comments:

Shannon W. said...

This is one very inspiration post Mimi. And for that I thank you.

Judy said...

Brilliant.

Kelly Hashway said...

Hi! I found you through She Writes and I'm a new follower. Great post. I look forward to coming back and reading more.

Akelamalu said...

A good cry can do you the world of good. x

Andy said...

Nicely said. Here is one of my recently found favorites from TED, dealing with vulnerability.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

dawn said...

"People live to see you fall apart."
This so true...

An inspiring and courageous post my friend.

Amazing Gracie said...

I'm so happy to learn that I'm not crazy! There have been times over this past year that I've cried myself dry.
I've gotten so far away from blogging maybe it's time to revisit.
Your post today makes me want to smack anyone who would wish you ill, but that would take away from your message of peace, so I promise to behave.
~~~Blessings~~~

Mimi Lenox said...

Shannon - Thank you for being here. It is always a pleasure to see you and see your faithful comments.
Hope your day was awesome.

Mimi Lenox said...

Judy - Thank you and welcome to my blog. I went to your page and it is about peace! Yay!

Mimi Lenox said...

Kelly - Welcome! I am enjoying getting to know folks at SheWrites. So many talented writers there - yourself included. I went to your blog and followed you back. How do you keep up with so many literary irons in the fire?

Mimi Lenox said...

Akelamalu - I will stay away from the crazies!

Mimi Lenox said...

Andy - Thanks for the comment and the link. I will check it out. Nice to see you here again. Thanks for stopping by!

Mimi Lenox said...

Dawn - It's a sad fact of life.

Mimi Lenox said...

Gracie - "Your post today makes me want to smack anyone who would wish you ill, but that would take away from your message of peace, so I promise to behave."

Ah, Gracie. The urge to smack is different than the actual smacking and quite human you know. But your comment gave me pause...in a good way. Thanks for the inspiration.

Mark In Mayenne said...

*hugs*

Travis Cody said...

I hope you understand what I mean by this...I suspect you will.

I love to watch you fall down because you do so spectacularly. But even better, you rise with dignity and grace to reach higher and run farther, unafraid of the possibly bigger fall you might take.

The impact when you fall, and then when you rise, is immense.

Mimi Lenox said...

Travis - Thank you for your kind words. They touched me. You've watched me fall down a lot, I must say. Sometimes in snow, sometimes in mud, sometimes in...well, you know.

And even though you credit me with rising, never forget that many of those face-down moments were assisted by friends who held out a hand to help me up. I suspect you know what I mean.

Mimi Lenox said...

Mark - Hug received. Hug returned.

Michelle said...

I had a good cry yesterday. I think I fell down in my own fears a bit... or maybe it was cowpoo. They're very similar. ;-)

Take a hug, dear imperfectly lovely friend.

Mimi Lenox said...

Michelle - Oh, but you and I know that weeping brings out the salt and the earth and good stuff.
Cry on. Your earthly goods are brilliant.

Grace said...

"People cry, not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for too long" - Johnny Depp. I was strong for 36 years then I learned to cry.

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