Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day 2010 ~ The View From Daddy's Swing




This is my first Father’s Day without you. My first year not buying gifts you really don't want. My first year trying to wrap yet another Tarheel mug.
The first year I'll pretend not to notice that you never used the one I bought last year. The first year visiting a headstone under long Carolina blue skies with a baseball bat and glove engraved instead of the standard cross and la Fleur. We knew you would hate that. I had to talk mama out of memorializing the Atlanta Braves in the proper tombstone collection of the Proper Church of the South. You were anything but "proper" but still. It's your name I love, not theirs.

A long time ago I gave you this swing for Father’s Day. You shuffled your feet and said, “Oh, you shouldn't have” then sat right down and claimed your spot. I loved to see you swinging there with your bare feet sticking out. It is the place I sit - gingerly - when I visit your porch.
I miss the rhythm of our swings.

I spent an hour with Sis this week in a conversation about you trying to avoid the words "Father's Day". We would really like to abolish it this year. So I'll just sit here if you don't mind and think about fresh tomatoes
and baseball.


and how you'd find a solution to the oil spill complete with a whole lot of cussing on your part. I know. What were they thinking?

Oh. You might want to know about the birds who've built a nest beside the swing in the flower pot. I let them be. Just as you would.

As much as I wish you were here today I doubt it will hold a candle to future moments. The babies will grow up and fly from the impatiens. The Braves will run the bases and you will tell them how. I will walk down some sweet aisle one day, literally or in my heart, perhaps with Baby Boy by my side. He'll do fine. He doesn't have an aversion to suits like you do and the tie will stay on throughout the entire ceremony this time.
That was a joke, Daddy.



I'd say it's a fine day to sit on the porch. There's an odd kind of night air breeze that keeps the swing in motion....it feels just like....Oh never mind.

There's talk of rain. We'll soon have tomatoes.
And you.
There's always you.







*Photography: Mimi Lenox*


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16 comments:

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Mimi, I can feel your love for your dad in this poignantly beautiful post. Blessings to you, my dear friend.

Alex the Blogging Kat said...

Yeth. I sayz whatz MY hoomin bean sayz. OK?

Carver said...

Beautiful post Mimi, words and photographs. I know how hard these days are without your father.

Finding Pam said...

The first year of first without your Daddy. I know he is with you in spirit and watches you with great joy.

Eternally Distracted said...

A beautiful post

Cogitator said...

Hi, Mimi! *wave* Dropping by to say "Hi", is all. Like I said when we chatted.....

tegdirb92 said...

beautiful post--and what great memories you will hold of you and your dad on that swing.

Christine said...

Oh my. Although my dad has been gone for 12 years, your words pierced my heart and I miss him all over again. Sometime in the last 12 years I stopped calling him Daddy. I don't know why.
Peaceful thoughts to you, Mimi.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

This first Father's Day was bound to be difficult, Mimi. A well-written and emotional post.

Mimi Lenox said...

Thank you all. I'm feelin' the hugs. How very kind.

The Gal Herself said...

Mimi, I know how hard today must be for you. But be glad you have this blog! Evocative posts like this will bring your dad back to life for Baby Boy, and they will help him feel connected to his rich history.

Mimi Lenox said...

Gal - You are an awesome friend. I just want you to know that. Awesome.

That is just what I needed to hear.

Travis Cody said...

Hugs.

dawn said...

A beautiful tribute... I'm sure your Daddy is smiling down on you.
{HUGS}

Red Shoes said...

I think I found your blog not long after your Dad had passed...

That caused me to go back and read the posts prior about your Dad... personally, I think some of your best posts have been about him, but that's just because I miss my own parents so very much...

This is wonderful... very touching... as long as you remember your Dad this way, he will always be alive within you...

Always...

~shoes~

Mimi Lenox said...

Travis - Thank you.

Dawn - I do feel him with me quite a lot...I hope he's smiling and not ready to have a sit down father/daughter "discussion" by now - although he would be entitled!

Shoes - I sent you an email. Thank you for your kind words.

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