Monday, December 22, 2008

Pink Christmas in Bloggingham

Christmas and divorce do not fare well.
At least that has been my experience.

You lose traditions that once fused your life into a neat little holiday package. With the stroke of the magistrate's pen your life is rearranged in huge ways and a million small nuances suddenly have nowhere to live. Sorry, lady. You just lost the right to congregate with unwelcome relatives from both sides of failing marriage, fume, fuss over Christmas scheduling, pretend there is a Santa Claus even when your child is eighteen, attend company parties and do the couple thing, watch your husband crawl around the roof and hang lights on the dormers,and share a burnt Christmas turkey with a family who dares not notice the meal looks like blackened Cajun poultry. You just lost the aforementioned privilege to make memories with said missing family.

Bad memories, good memories, sad memories, wonderful memories.

Forever memories.

Two signatures on a single piece of paper doth not erase a lifetime of holiday imprints.
You do, in essence, sign away your tradition.

Christmas and New Year's is not an easy time to be single.

So, the first year I was faced with staring at the family-made Christmas tree holding over twenty years of memories and baby boy designed ornaments with tiny little hand prints in white plaster and his smiling baby face in a tiny little ornament frame, I decided to make my own holiday ambiance. To celebrate my independence. To express my personality.
To disengage from "we" and fully embrace "me."

Time to make new traditions.

Today I opened the box and took in a familiar aroma.
Pink Christmas.

My Christmas.

A box full of a memorable shopping trip I took one cold December day five years ago - all by myself. My mission? Reinvent a lifetime of togetherness known as Christmas with the family..... into Christmas with me.

I had to make a new Christmas.

I needed a new tree, a new color, new bobbles, new adventure, unorthodox frivolity, joy, beauty, handpicked reflections of the soul I had become....... and for Heaven's sakes, no red and green.

Prissy things. Purses. Frilly lamp ornaments. Perfume bottles. Lace. Pearls.

Elegant ribbons. Gold-trimmed velvet balls. Beads.

Lots of crystal and fluff.
Pheromones and single girl memories.



Secret sacredness full of me.

To honor and preserve the ornamental scrapbook of my married life for my son and grandson, I hung the old ornaments on a "past" tree. I still have a blue-trimmed tree in my piano room with the family traditional ornaments from my once-married life, a totally crystal ornament tree in my boudoir with tiny white lights, a small multi-colored 3 foot tree in the corner of the kitchen (I changed it to simple red lights this year), Baby Boy #II's crazy green tree in front of the mirror in the hallway, a red and gold tree downstairs with the chimney stockings (near the dungeon) and then there's.........this.....

Pink Christmas. In my living room.

With candles and twinkling clear lights in unlikely places.
(I will take pictures later this week to show you the finished look.)

Five years after divorce and I am experiencing yet another holiday without a significant other. Four of the last five have been the same. No silly stockings full of intimate secrets and no candlelit moments making out errr.....opening gifts under the tree giggling on the floor politely sipping eggnog listening to Bon Jovi Bing Crosby in your specially shopped for Christmas nightie with white fluffy sleeves proper little black pencil skirt and matching knee-high leather and suede boots with 3-inch heels boring pumps.

Sipping white wine.

I'll be wearing my pencil skirt, mind you, but in all probability, pouring a glass for one.

But that's OK. I am ready....and enjoying the experience of reflection and time alone. It's been a whirlwind year. I need to sit and be still for awhile.
Good thing I made that solo shopping trip.

My sister and I also took a wonderful Christmas trip to the Biltmore House in Asheville, North Carolina the first holiday I spent alone after my divorce. We found these gorgeous crystal bell ornaments. They are large, intricately made, pure, simple, sparkling.....reflecting the lights inside and out like a prism.

They remind me of grace. Authenticity. And new beginnings.

These will go on Bloggingham's door.....lighted and ready for a new adventure
in a new year with a new person.


Note: I will be posting my peace globe on Christmas Day.
Please join me, if you will.
Today's Dating Profile of the Day (The Fish Man)
Yesterday's Mimi Writes post

Copyright © 2008 Mimi Lenox. All Rights Reserved.


The Gal Herself said...

This is a beautifully-written and very wise post. I have begun spending Christmas Day alone, by choice. I used to spend it with *him* and *his* family (no matter which *him* it was at the time), but now I devote it to alone time and reflection. The holidays are so hectic that I find it really helps recharge my battery.

New Year's Eve is tougher. No one to kiss ...

Akelamalu said...

I hate to think of you alone at Christmas my friend but you are making it your own without doubt! I'll be thinking of you on Christmas Day and raising a glass to salute you and wish you well.

I am posting my Christmas Peace Globe from last year again tomorrow. xx

Mimi Lenox said...

Gal - New Year's Eve is brutal for me - as I once fell in love on New Year's Eve yada yada. It still is not easy at times. The holidays...bah!

Cheers to you, Gal. And the possibility of new beginnings with a special person who "gets" our peculiar penchants for independence and kisses under the mistletoe.

It could happen....(smile)

Mimi Lenox said...

Akelamalu - I will see Baby Boy that day and watch him open Santa that afternoon. No, of course it's not the "same" but it's magic in a different way.

Raising a glass to you, my friend.

carol g said...

Ah... the heart break of Christmas. I caught my ex with his new love 3 days before Christmas (we had 3 small children). It still does and probably always will hurt deeply. However, you DO go on. I found it rather appropriate that Il Divo was singing "Hallelujah" as I read your post.

Babs (Beetle) said...

There comes a time, in most lives, when we have to let 'Christmas past' go and move into our new Christmas times. It's only when we make that decision, that we can start to enjoy a different Christmas joy.

I wish you a lovely peaceful time.

meleah rebeccah said...

I have spent the last FOUR Chistmas Eve/ Day and New Years Eve's ALONE...

I know just how hard it is.

Wonderfully written post!

Shannon H. said...

Sadly...even in a relationship one can still feel very alone.

My thoughts are with you at Christmas my dear friend. Please know that I for one and glad I found your blog :)

Don said...

I'm on my second Christmas alone - as in actually, physically alone. The thing is, though, that the ex after a while just gave up participating. She did none of the shopping - didn't even buy me anything, I had to shop for my own gifts - she didn't put up the tree, no decorations unless I got them (even on the year that I was out of commission due to knee surgery)! So really, aside from her attending the family functions, I was doing alone for some time already, but with her as extra baggage. Worse, our last Christmas Eve while still married kicked off to a grand start with her attacking me and me spending the day at a motel - and the evening at Kim's. For me, celebrating without her is a more-than-welcome change!

This particular Christmas had the potential to be particularly bad for me - when my father died, my family really spun apart, everyone going in different directions. We weren't terribly close, my sibs and me, but we still managed getting together at the holidays. Not any more, it would seem.

But, someone said something about making lemonade when you have lemons...

I'm spending Christmas Eve with Kim - my sister from another mother - and her family (in essence, my family as well). It's always a good time in their company, lots of conversation, and seeing the girls open their gifts. Christmas Day I've penciled in going downtown with a buddy of mine to catch a couple of movies and maybe a bite to eat.


As of yet, I have NO plans for New Year's Eve, and this is one of the rare years that I'm off work for Christmas and New Year's, Eves and Days. My niece and nephew are supposedly coming, but they were supposed to come for Christmas as well, and that's a non-starter (plus I already know my nephew is working).

So if you decide you'd rather not celebrate alone, how would you feel about a little trip? ;-) It would be a most enjoyable honor and privilege to ring in the New Year with Your Highness, Queen Mimi...

(Just so y'know, I've been called "bold" before...but if you never ask, you're not likely to ever receive!)

Bond said...

But in the becomes the start of new Christmas traditions..and that is not so bad either

Tammy said...

I love the pink Christmas!!!!

Charles Gramlich said...

Pink isn't bad when it's delicate pink amid other hues. some of these are a bit PINK though. For me.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

A fine post...yay for singles everywhere!

tarheelrambler said...

You do have a way of tugging at my heart strings, Your Highness. I hope you know that a lot of us will be with you in spirit. Speaking for myself, my Christmas will be extra special because you are my friend, and that is a wonderful gift.

Thanks for the great post, Mimi, that illustrates just a little more about our favorite royalty.

Mimi Lenox said...

Carol - Oh what a heartbreaking story. I'm so sorry...but thank God for the Hallelujah!

Mimi Lenox said...

Thank you Babs - That's lovely.

Mimi Lenox said...

Meleah - How's is going with the new guy? Tell me good news here, please.....I'm coming over to find out.

Finding Pam said...

Mimi, that was so hard to hear, but I admire you for telling your story. I am glad that you decorate for the holidays. It is hard for me to be in the spirit but we all have so much to be thankful for. Merry Christmas and Cheers dear Queen. You won't always be alone.

I just think holidays are difficult for a lot of people, whether it's divorce, death, loneliness, bad memories, hard times, any loss just seems so amplified during the holidays.

Mimi Lenox said...

Shannon - I am thankful for you as well. And you are right. I felt incredibly "alone" in my marriage during the last few years especially. That feeling is an excruciating solitude.

There are all kinds of lonely in this world.

Mimi Lenox said...

Don - How sweet of you to ask. Hmmmm.....I like bold! And I'm right back.

Mimi Lenox said...

Bond - New traditions are good. I agree. And you, my dear dear friend, are on the verge of something wonderful in your life. I am soooo thrilled for you and Nancy. It makes me want to cry for joy.
OK. I will.
Where are the blasted kleenex??!

Mimi Lenox said...

Tammy - Thank you very much!

Mimi Lenox said...

Charles - You're a guy. I wouldn't expect you to adore the pink. lol

Mimi Lenox said...

Jean-luc - Raising a glass to you, my friend. Singles together.
Let's have a huge blog party.

Mimi Lenox said...

Lee - Your friendship, fellow Tarheelian, is so special to me. Don't tell me "blog friends" aren't real. Smooch to you and your lovely wife and family.

How is your daughter's family in the great snowy north?

Mimi Lenox said...

Pam - I really didn't mean to be a downer today. I am fine and in transition like so many others. Something tells me I should be savoring this alone time and let my creativity run wild....with my writing, singing, etc etc.

I should view it as a gift. No?

Michelle said...



You know, I loathed pink as a kid. I was the little girl who wanted a blue party dress. As a teen I loved green. In my twenties it was blues again (in more ways than one!) and in my thirties it was turquiose and violet. Now, in my mid forties, I have finally discovered pink... and I LOVE it.

I just so love your whole idea - the glorious rebirth of Christmas in pink.

Lately I'm learning new traditions myself. In my case because my relatives-I-spent-Christmas-with are all either dead or back in Africa. So it was time for new things. In my case the tree has gone gold and copper.

You know... pibk would look good with that. I just might add it next year. ;-)

Wishing you a very warm pink festive season, Mimi.

Mimi Lenox said...

Michelle - I will accept big pink fuzzy hugs anyday. Thank you. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year's.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I've done this very thing. I know just how it feels too. For me on the one hand I was glad he was the 'ex' and on the other I missed all the habits of years past. I so remember.

Looks like Don made a very nice offer.

A beautifully written post as always.

Have a terrific day honey. Big hug and lotsa lovies.

Dawn said...

Why I picked tonight to check in on a couple of blogs is beyond me... but I did and there were your words... "Christmas and divorce do not fare well."
I guess I needed to know that I'm not alone and something brought me here. It never occurred to me to create and new Christmas. I am sitting here with all my usual stuff around me and it's sad. And the missing family part is even sadder. Next year I will make new traditions and a new Christmas. Thank you Mimi... you have inspired me.

Travis said...

Because finding a new "we" must begin with finding and embracing your new "me".

Mimi Lenox said...

Sandee - We heal in our own ways, don't we? I'm glad you are my friend.

Mimi Lenox said...

Dawn - That "something" is always right. Wink.

Mimi Lenox said...

Travis - Amen to that.
I'm well on my way.
(But I might still need a little help from my friends.)

Speedcat Hollydale said...

Positive, creative, warm, and truly inspiring.

I know this post has a twist, but you have such a wonderful attitude Mimi. Very refreshing.

Merry Christmas to you my friend :)

Mimi Lenox said...

Eric - Single people have to stick together ya know. We all share the same conundrum of emotions and experiences (some of us wear Chicken Suits but that's beside the point)and sing Karaoke with bloggers near and far. ...You are quite the character! But "refreshing" as well. Thanks for being you.

Merry Christmas. Wishing you warm kisses under the mistletoe to warm those cold Minnesota nights.

Mimi Lenox said...

and I forgot to say 'thank you'....

Lois Grebowski said...

No pink wine? (heaven forbid!)

I'm glad you'll be seeing Christmas through your little guy's eyes. Always puts it all into perspective...No, it's not the same, but it's different.

Beautiful pink stuff! I need to send a friend over to look at your lovelies! She'd go nuts!

Big hugs and merry christmas, Mimi!

Margo Moon said...

I understand about the significant otherness, but you've managed something even more special. You've found your significant self, Mimi.

Happy Holidays, My Wise Friend!

Mimi Lenox said...

Lois - Going to the store for pink wine now...Good idea! Happy Holidays!

Mimi Lenox said...

Margo - Awwwww.....yes, I believe I have. My authentic self, I hope so, and hope not to compromise. I sometimes wonder if there is a man on the planet who can understand the pencil skirt peace globes woman though. That is a consideration for thought this Christmas...while sipping pink wine (smile).

Happy Holidays and hugs and love to your and yours, Margo.

Mauigirl said...

Hi Mimi, love your pink Christmas tree! You are inspiring me to put up a husband and I are together but are in Scrooge mode this year - haven't put up a tree. Maybe we should after all.

I wish you lots of happiness at Christmas and always!

Akelamalu said...

Well watching Baby Boy open his gifts will be such fun. Have a great day my friend. x

Have a Happy Christmas and may the New Year bring you good health and happiness. xx

Mimi Lenox said...

Mauigirl - Please don't be a Scrooge.

Akelamalu - It will be fun. The same to you, my lovely friend from across the pond.

Melody Sez said...

My gosh Mimi! That was a fabulous combination of pink stuff and memory stuff!

Thank you!


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